A new start

So, as one of my New year's resolutions I have decided on changing my username and kind of, starting over now that I know what I'm doing. More or less. So the past few weeks I've been working on creating new profiles for myself. If you are so inclined to friend/follow I'd be happy to have your company there as much as I did here.

So, on tumblr machka13
Dreamwidth http://13-machka.dreamwidth.org/
Livejournal 13machka

Year in review

It's been a strange year and surprisingly it wasn't as bad as the ones before it.

I've been to Sweden twice, one of them for iin2lalaland's wedding, something that I never expected and it was amazing. I learned how to skate and ski, went to my first hockey game.
I've also met some awesome people, both online and in real life.
I tried to be better at talking to people and posting on Livejournal. I mostly failed but there was some improvement.
I wrote more. I didn't post a lot, but there are a lot of words in my WIP folder that will be posted this year. This is the most I've written in years and that maker me stupidly happy.
I've gotten better at talking to moyelf though, letting myself feel things and trying to understand them and go from there. It led to a lot of crying and anger but it helped and being numb for years didn't help much, so I'm trying this now.
I lost my cat, Ari, and that broke me, but he was a happy cat and had a really good life and left behind a daughter that gives me much joy and comfort.
I read some awesome books, too.
Lynn Flewelling: Stalking darkness, Traitor's moon and Shadow's return
Alexandra Horowitz: Inside of a dog
David Mitchell: Claoud Atlas
Leon Lederman: The god particle
Eliot Pattison: The skull mantra
Dava Sobel: Longitude
Andy Weir: The Martian

My hopes and plans for 2016.

That I finally find a job and move away from my mom becuase that's not a healthy environment for me.
I failed at this last year but...go visit all the doctors that I have to. I haven't been taking care of my body and that needs to be fixed.
I'll post more, at least once a week, even when nothing exciting happens (which is most of the time) ^_^
Also, commenting on othe people's posts. I've been somewhat better at it this year, but I want to talk to people, meet new people instead of being a recluse and a stalker all the time.
Change my username. I've been thinking about this for months but haven't settled on anything that I'm going to be happy with for years to come. I've had this username for years and I've never felt fully comfortable with it so I guess it's time to change it.
Write. I want to write something thats over 10000 words long becuae I've never done that before, but any kind of regular witing would be fantastic. I miss the simple joy of writing without overthinking it.

Happy new year everyone, I hope It'll be a great one. ^_^

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It's been a bad September. I'm glad it's behind me but it always comes down to the money. We're on financial aid from the state and I can usually make really good calculations on how much money we have and what needs to be bought and such and still have some left over for emergencies, but the money is just a third of an average Croatian sallary and that's barely enough to cover the essentials, not to mention the bills. As I said, I've gotten really good at making plans and doing the best I can with what little we have but the past month had five instead of four weeks because the money was late and money ran short. And I just...

I've been poor for the most of my twenties and what ever we had before while I was in school wasn't as bad but wasn't a lot so I know what it's like to be hungry. It's not new. But it's exhausting and demoralizing and it doesn't help that I have no help from my mother because she thinks it's now my time to take care of her. She's 54 and she's healthy and capable of work I wish I could say it's her depression talking, but that's just her nature and that just wears me down even more.

I had to drop out of marvel_bang and while I did sign up for sga secret santa and sga reversebang it makes me sad that I didn't have enough focus and strength to finish it in time. I'm still working on it and it'll be better for taking my time with it because it's not a short story (8000 words of bare bones) it's just another thing on the list of failures I have to add to the past month.

There were days I didn't want to get out of bed. I stopped reading, I stopped just enjoying things I usually do and I just wanted to sleep while it passes. It hasn't been this bad in a long while and two weeks later I'm still shaken by it.

But the money did arrive a few days before my 30th birthday and while I couldn't afford a celebration as such, I made myself a really good meal and refused to do or think about anything for the entire day except for reading some of my favorite stories and cuddling with the cats. in2lalaland called and sang me a happy birthday in both English and Swedish and it was a good, calm day. And in November I'm going to Sweden for her wedding and that makes me stupidly happy and something to look forward to.

We went for a last swim of the season (pics are below) and while it was cold somewhat it was beautiful and calm and ended the summer on a nice note. There's nothing as soothing as the sea.

Cats are great, Aya, the kitten is growing and I should get some new photos of her. She's big and healthy, though she did have a bit of a cold and she eats like an adult cat. I love her to bits.

I am working on some new stories and if anyone would like to go over what I have so far of my Bucky/Sam story and give some advice, I'd very much appreciate it. I want to do this right.
I'm also re-watching SGA because I missed the show after overdosing on it when watching it the first time and I do have stories to write.

The weather has fully changed to autumn and it's beautiful even if it is constantly raining, not too cold still and it is my favorite time of the year. Hopefully you're all doing okay and I'll go and comment on your post shortly because I have missed you all.

As a conclusion, the twenties have sucked, but I have hopes for the thirties.

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Taken from a lot of people on my f-list because I figure it's time to catch up, finally.

So what have you been up to?

For the last two months, my life has mostly been dominated by may cats and heat. One of my kittens has dies because of neurological issues that couldn't be helped, but the other one, Aya (the calico little girl),  is a ball of unlimited energy. The entire apartment is her playground and honestly, it does wonders for my mental health by making me focus on something and making me laugh all the time.
I've been going swimming a lot this summer, because the temperatures have been ridiculously high, constantly around 35 Celsius, still are and the beach is a 10minute walk away. Last summer the weather mostly sucked so swimming wasn't really an option, but this year I have a tan and swam a lot and collected an absurd amount of pebbles because they renovated the beaches and I couldn't resist.
I've also been writing, as much as I could because the heat made it really hard to do so and concentration was not there and I couldn't even spend the days in the library because they were closed for the good part of the summer because they were moving a part of their collection to a separate location.
I was also waiting for September because that means that all of my doctors are done with their vacations so I can do all of them in a short period of time because I hate going to the doctor. I could have gone to the replacements, but I'm a creature of habit and also, I hate going to the doctor.

Major life changes? Same old same old?

My cousin gave birth to her second child, a boy this time so it's been a bit hectic the last couple of weeks for the entire family. I still haven't gone to see the baby, bostly because her house is always full of people and she's exhauseted. We talked though, and she's ridiculouslly happy and laughing at me because I'm real bad with new born babies.
My best friend is getting married in November, but considering we're on different sides of the continent it's questionable if I'll attend but I have hope and I am so happy for both of them becuase they're that couple that get along always and are so in love and adorable it's like they're not actually real. I love them both so.
My own life is same old, but I'm pleased about that.

What fandom are you in / do you spend most of your time in?

MCU/ Cap 2 is where I'm spending most of my time lately. I'm writing my Sam/Bucky marvel_bang, so I've limited my exposure to other fandoms becuse I get easily distracted. It's the fandom that gives me the greatest variety of characters, female characters that I actually like and can imagine writing and I neve get bored with it, though I do tend to overdose on certain pairings and need a break from time to time.
But I read a lot of Inception (again), Stargate Atlantis and Kingsman, all of which I intend to write in.
I am also extremelly excited about The Martian.

Where do you hang online?

Mostly my tumblr, though I'm making an effort of cutting back and trying to spend more of my time back on Livejournal. It's better for actually communicating with people without being toxic and that's always a pplis. Also, LJ is where I started my fannish journey so I'm emotionally invested.

What are you reading?

Croatian libraries don't have much variety when it comes to novels, mostly romance books and bestsellers that I don't have any interest in. Also, I've been spoiled by fanfiction and there are literally NO LGBT books in our libraries and I can't afford buying online, so I mostly stick to science books, physics and astronomy and general science and history.
I've just finished Leon Lederman:The god particle, which is fantastic, bot funny and educating without being over the top or too complicated. Even though it was writtten in 1993. the science still stands and applies.
Right now, I'm reading James Gleick: Chaos, on the origin of chaos theory.

What are you watching?

I don't watch a lot of TV: I've seen some episodes of Arrow, but mostly have been watching reruns of NCIS and Band of Brothers and some of my favorite movie, but that's it.

What are you making?

I've been cooking a lot lately, simple dishes I put together from the stuff I find in the kitchen. I'm trying to use as many things as I can that usually stay untouched for long periods of time while I go and buy more stuff and so far, so good. Cold pasta salads, soups and baked pastas are my favorite.
I'm also drawing again, though this time I'm drawing bookmarks. i got some thick paper that's perfect for firm bookmarks and now I'm just slowly going at it. If anyone's interested in ustom drawn bookmarks, let me know, I'd be happy to make you some.
And writing. I had to switch to the solo option for my marvel_bang, which means no art for me but I refuse to quit the challenge. I'm writing much faster now that it's not as hot and I do still have a month to go and three betas to look it over so it's not gonna be a problem. This is already the longest thing I've ever written and I haven't been this into a story in a very long time. My confidence tends to come and go, but I refuse to quit. It's makin me happy even when it's freaking me out and that's a good thing.

What are you squeeing about today?

Matt Fraction's Hawkeye comic that I got recently, The Martian, tea and cats.

If you could rope old fandom friends into a new fandom, it would be...

Kingsman. I haven't actually seen it yet, but it has all the things I like - charm, humor, badass fights, Colin Firth, Mark Strong, Taron Egerton and Samuel L. Jackson.

I should really watch/read/dive into _____ and then come and talk to youabout it!

The Vorkosigan saga. I've been putting it off because I don't want any distractions while I binge read but I'm most excited about it!
And The Martian!

What else is on your mind?

I need to go to the pharmacy and pick up my mom's meds. Also cut my hair and wash some clothes, but that can wait until tomorrow.